Why Retired US General James Monroe is a much better and more sensible choice than Ashley in Super Smash Brothers.


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As you know, Ashley's deconfirmation in yesterday has caused much anguish with Nintendo fans, with many of her followers calling for Sakurai's head on a pike. An understandable and sensible reaction, to be sure, but one I feel is misguided for there is a much greater injustice that needs to be corrected, namely, that Retired US General James Monroe has yet again been snubbed for a spot as a playable character!

Who is Retired US General James Monroe

Retired US General James Monroe is a classic character who appears in Ubisoft's beloved bastardization of a thinking man's first person shooter, Tom Clancy's™ Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter. He is an unseen and unmentioned character until the last two minutes of the game when CIA Dude helpfully explains he is responsible for engineering the events of the game. Despite his short screentime, James Monroe instantly won the heart of gamers worldwide and made a deep impression on the game's Moutain Dew-chugging audience, with fans intensely speculating his possible involvement in the events of other Tom Clancy titles such as Tom Clancy's™ High Atiltude Warfare: Xperimental Squadron 2 and Tom Clancy's™ The Division, as well as a repeated requests to become a playable character in Tom Clancy's™ Rainbow Six Siege.

Here is Retired Us General James Monroe entire screen time

Moveset potential

Retired US General James Monroe has yet to be seen doing much beside slowly limping away from his house, but he has two arms and two legs, making moveset possibilities endless. He also presumably has Tom Clancy™ powers.

Why he should be in

Some may point out that DING CHAVEZ is a more sensible choice for a Tom Clancy™ rep in SMash Bros. Unfortunately he took a bullet to the knee when I played through the N64 version of Tom Clancy's™ Rainbow Six and spent the entire year in the hospital so he missed the Smash audition. I'm sorry.

Here is why Retired US General James Monroe is a vastly superior character to Ashley:

* Retired US General James Monroe is integral to the event of the game he appears in.

*His first appearance, Tom Clancy's™ Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighte is a very culturally-relevant game, being one of the first game to truly feel like a generational leap and give us a taste of why allowing 12-years to use a mic in online multiplayer games was an horrible mistake. On the Xbox 360 alone, it outsold the best selling game in the WarioWare series, and combined sales of all versions probably outsold the entire WarioWare series. GRAW is also notable for having an utterly insane cheevo requiring the player to be #1 on the Worldwide multiplayer leaderboards, something which has and continues to influence people on a deep emotional level more than WarioWare ever has.

*The Retired US General James Monroe fanbase does not have a notable proportion of pedophiles.

* Retired US General James Monroe is Woke, as exemplified by how he has Mexican friends and tried to get them government job.

* Retired US General James Monroe's actions resulted in the death of the Canadian Prime Minister, caused a civil war in Mexico, almost resulted in a nuclear exchange between the US China and Russia, which is kinda cool. Did Ashley ever kill the Canadian Prime Minister? Exactly.

Discuss how I'm right.