Pompadour of Legend
A collapsible pompadour that stretches almost nineteen feet in length. Though somewhat uncomfortable to wear, the secret inner pocket can hold loose change or small pets.
Discarded Doctor Scrubs
The garb of a true hero. Perhaps these scrubs were once used by a world-class heart surgeon! ...Or maybe it was just a cut-rate proctologist.
Friendly Clown Autograph
Clownie the clown is the least frightening of all clowns, which is why his autograph is highly prized among coulrophobics. ...Go look it up.
Forever X-ray Glasses
This amazing treasure lets you look through absolutely everything...which means that you end up seeing NOTHING AT ALL! Think about it.
Rich Man's Ice Cream
This unbelievably tasty foie gras ice cream comes from caviar-fed cows that sleep on mattresses stuffed with the world's finest straw. But it still smells of dairy air.
Spangly Celebrity Garb
Some believe that simply donning this spangly outfit will transform you into a famous movie star! Others think such things require actual talent.
Superfantastical Money Tree
Sure, it sounds fancy. But it's just a plant. A boring old potted plant. Slap anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
Bluebird of Luckiness
A blue bird that brings good luck and vast fortune to any who possess it. It can also escape from even the sturdiest of cages, as it knows how to pick locks and bribe guards.
Paranoid Bear Carving
It may look like a nice little bear carving, but it's actually a malevolent alien robot sent to spy on your every move. Don't turn around.
Game & Watch 9000
An amazing handheld game unit with FIFTY screens! When unfolded, it takes up as much space as a timeshare condo.
Vengeful Robot Controller
This remote allows you to summon a giant robot hidden deep within the bowels of the earth and unleash him on your unsuspecting enemies. But it's out of batteries.
Forbidden Cheat Sheet
This hidden cheat sheet is 100% undetectable, and so effective that it has been banned from the classroom by international treaty.
