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stupidface

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...of the end.

On February 17th, 2019, warioforums.com entered a new era. A passing of the torch. A time of transition -- the most pivotal moment in the website's history. For was it, truly, the #1 place for Wario discussion? Had not times of senior citizens autistically discussing the Wario Land series passed? Hath not an age of lewd shitposting begun?

Boiling over with white-hot contempt, Magma bore his fist at the computer screen, writhing in hatred. "Curse thy Wario Forums! Have not I promoted only the most intellectual discussion? O, how I despise thy wretched scum one named Tahutoa! O! O! And how Kokonoe repulses me, and that flatulent villager hailing from the crescent moon!" His manboobs slapped amok as his clammy, malnourished body shook with fury at the mere thought. "Why hath this vile website been bestowed upon me?"

Interrupting his display of loathing, a knocking echoed from across the dimly lit room. Magma, focusing his attention on the door, gave a reluctant groan for them to enter.

With one decisive maneuver, the door opened. A, youthful, clean-shaven figure, his face obscured by a pair of stylish military goggles, filled the doorframe, a rifle slung over his left shoulder. On his camo vest, an indented patch identified him simply as "Glowsquid". Magma's eyes widened.

"It's time."

This was only the beginning.
 
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tahutoa

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...of the end.

On February 17th, 2019, warioforums.com entered a new era. A passing of the torch. A time of transition -- the most pivotal moment in the website's history. For was it, truly, the #1 place for Wario discussion? Had not times of senior citizens autistically discussing the Wario Land series passed? Hath not an age of lewd shitposting begun?

Boiling over with white-hot contempt, Magma bore his fist at the computer screen, writhing in hatred. "Curse thy Wario Forums! Have not I promoted only the most intellectual discussion? O, how I despise thy wretched scum one named Tahutoa! O! O! And how Kokonoe repulses me, and that flatulent villager hailing from the crescent moon!" His manboobs slapped amok as his clammy, malnourished body shook with fury at the mere thought. "Why hath this vile website been bestowed upon me?"

Interrupting his display of loathing, a knocking echoed from across the dimly lit room. Magma, focusing his attention on the door, gave a reluctant groan for them to enter.

With one decisive maneuver, the door opened. A, youthful, clean-shaven figure, his face obscured by a pair of stylish military goggles, filled the doorframe, a rifle slung over his left shoulder. On his camo vest, an indented patch identified him simply as "Glowsquid". Magma's eyes widened.

"It's time."

This was only the beginning.
Oh my God, I actually laughed out loud.

And a second time, rereading it, Good God.

Damn fine job, son.

edit:
Also, were you intending this to be written like a time loop, signifying how Magma's doomed to sit there forever like the goblin he is, forever grumbling, looking on in hatred at the billygoats gruff who would cross his bridge? while Glowsquid repeatedly tries and fails to shake things up, like the bargain bin version of Metal he is?

Jesus, i may have to do a dramatic reading of this at some point.
nice pass at cmv's rather questionable entries to the wario improv, btw.
 
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tahutoa

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The age of lewdness is upon us.

It grew from the seed of greed which made us believe the creed which some feed or bleed and you know you need until you peed out the dope you smoked as you aloped with my rope tied without hope so you grope and pray to your pope but it doesn't help you or the china man named Yu and you feel like you knew when you watched Blues Clues, but you're one of the few who shot that gun pewpew so you sit there alone, you can't call Tyrone, you lost all of your friends and you're without a home and koko's rod is made of bone that is clubbing you now and you feel like a cow when the milk hits your brow which causes thou to go low and bow as you accept her plow and play N64 with your mistress meow.
Mistress...

you gotta figure out your flow, please, for fuck's sake, there's so much potential but you're killin' me with how often you keep killing off the rhythm you set yourself up for. There's too much syncopation and none of it is intentional.

And it's eloped, not aloped.
 

stupidface

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Damn fine job, son.
Thank you, father.

Also, were you intending this to be written like a time loop, signifying how Magma's doomed to sit there forever like the goblin he is, forever grumbling, looking on in hatred at the billygoats gruff who would cross his bridge? while Glowsquid repeatedly tries and fails to shake things up, like the bargain bin version of Metal he is?
Your guess is as good as mine since apparently the world this takes place in includes both the website itself and these weird living embodiments of the forum members, as we saw with Glowsquid. shit I didn't plan out the worldbuilding very well

Also how dare you speak of Glowoctopus like that, the only knockoff Metal around here is CMV and probably me. Glowsquid is the closest thing to a celebrity to ever grace our sorry Wario-loving asses so you better respect that phucker, or I'll beat you up and take your lunch money, nerd
 

tahutoa

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Thank you, father.


Your guess is as good as mine since apparently the world this takes place in includes both the website itself and these weird living embodiments of the forum members, as we saw with Glowsquid. shit I didn't plan out the worldbuilding very well

Also how dare you speak of Glowoctopus like that, the only knockoff Metal around here is CMV and probably me. Glowsquid is the closest thing to a celebrity to ever grace our sorry Wario-loving asses so you better respect that phucker, or I'll beat you up and take your lunch money, nerd
Is that any way to talk to your father
smh
get fucked kid

And oh yeah, I got GS & CMV mixed up because one has Ashley as the pfp & the other as part of the banner. CMV is the one I meant, although given how odd the both of them are can you really blame me? Especially since GS only ever appears to be unsettling and/or talk about Ashley, it seems like, anymore. ...To be completely honest, Glowsquid actually kind of reminds me of Ashley, so I guess similar to my using Bigmouth as for myself, the pfp is quite fitting.
 

stupidface

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Nyaah mate, Glowsquid is cool. He taught me that not all Ashleyfags are mindless autists that lack the ability to contribute to a discussion without either a) forcing their loli obsession into it or b) generally being a nuisance. He's still a "macho" edgelord but I wouldn't put him in the same pen as The Amazing Human Shitpostbot CMV
 

tahutoa

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I wasn't trying with this one! Also, text in general makes it hard to understand how someone else might say things. Sometimes it's the way it is said that makes it mesh together and that's kinda something I do irl.
Try to represent that through text, through use of italics, apostrophes replacing the sounds you don't really pronounce at all, know what'm sayin'?
 
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