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Robin

Robin

Wario's ironical daughter! (BlueJackG)
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Thread for the best quotes in Video Game history! (One per post)
You can post a picture of the screen where the quote appears, if the quote is not that funny by itself.

"It's dangerous to go alone, take this!" - The Legend of Zelda
 
Crash into too many things, and even this stuff can't save you.

Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better

Oh dear! Call that tin can a boss? Surely K.ROOL can come up with better than that, maybe a bucket or perhaps a really nasty fridge!

Whisking off maidens and throwing barrels around the place seven days a week, I was. That's how I got where I am today, you know. Hard work.

You're only reading this because you're bored!

So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we? Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent storyline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish...

Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these Wrinkly doors should be used as a last resort only. (Or as a first resort if you are a really poor player.)

- Cranky Kong, DKC series.

404 computer hampsters not found

YOU LOST EVERYTHING. WAY TO GO, GENIUS.

THREAT LEVEL UPGRADED TO JELLY ROLL 1. DETONATION IMMINENT.

- Fracktail, Super Paper Mario

Such temper! Your nostrils, they flare out like the hood of a hissing cobra!

Your blows are like tiny jackhammers wielded by tiny, angry road workers!

Now we must duel, like two gleaming banjos on a moonlit stoop!

- Dimentio, Super Paper Mario

Hah! Now taste the finale, when carelessness opens the door to a comeback not expected by you! Your lives that I spit on are now but a caricature of a cartoon drawn by a kid who is stupid! You shall all fall and vanish with your precious Beanbean Kingdom as I laugh heartily at you!

In the last moments of the finale of the finale, when relief leads to negligence that begets rashness... That is when the comeback that faltered comes back and beats your pathetic comeback that I scoff at!

Fawful is sitting on the cozy couch, sipping tea that laughs at you!

Fawfully-doo!♪ Where are you?!♪ Dark Star, needing you!♪ Dark power, yoo-hoo!♪ WHERE TO FIND YOU...♪

I HAVE FURY!

- Fawful, Mario & Luigi series

You are tender cutlets. But climbing make strong!

CANNONBEEF!

beefstew.jpg


- Massif Bros, Mario & Luigi Dream Team

SCREEYEE! I can open dream portals venever I vish now... For that is vut I vished from the Dream Stone... In the dream vorld, I vill be at full strength...I haff changed, Dreambert. You haff been varned...

- Antasma, Mario & Luigi Dream Team

Analysing foe potential... Chance of my victory: 120%.

Foe still active: Why?

Awaiting: Mercy plea.

Pi'illodium, Mario & Luigi Dream Team

and hey, anything from here:

http://www.mariowiki.com/List_of_Wario's_Treasures_in_Wario_Land:_Shake_It!

This amazing teapot never runs out of water. You'll have to supply your own tea, though.

Wario's embroidered dustcloth. Who put this in a treasure chest?

Worthless now, but fill it with coins and BAM! Instant treasure!

Hypnotize your friends! Hypnotize your enemies! Basically, just hypnotize everybody!

Hotter than any normal hot sauce. No, hotter than that. Hotter. Keep going...

Experience the feeling of being a millionaire without any of the actual wealth!

Some birds fly so high that they become rainbows. This bird is just wearing makeup.

Seats four and has the smoothest ride in town. Fuel economy, on the other hand...

"Send help! I'm trapped in a bottle factory! Right next door to the fortune-cookie place!"

Under no circumstances should you open this. But I'll bet there's neat stuff in there...

One sip and you'll turn into a ghost... Wait, isn't that just poison?

This lamp issues a thick smoke when rubbed. That's all it does. What were you expecting?

Or

http://www.mariowiki.com/List_of_treasures_in_Wario:_Master_of_Disguise

These lovingly handmade candies contain large pieces of real gold. Give them to your beloved and watch the teeth fly.

A diary crammed with sad memories of failed teenage romances. From disastrous prom dates to intercepted study hall notes, you can relive the awkwardness of yesteryear...today!

This pacifier was once used by a rich child on a luxury cruise that was commissioned to celebrate his first birthday. It was then dropped in the unchlorinated deck pool.

This super-rare Cannoli figurine is one of only 65,535 in existence. It emits a somewhat oily scent when rubbed. Order yours today! Supply is limited!

Some believe that simply donning this spangly outfit will transform you into a famous movie star! Others think such things require actual talent.

Sure, it sounds fancy. But it's just a plant. A boring old potted plant. Slap anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

Ice harvested from the North Pole itself! Don't be fooled by cheap imitation South Pole ice. This stuff contains elves!

It may look like a nice little bear carving, but it's actually a malevolent alien robot sent to spy on your every move. Don't turn around.

This looks like a dull firework, but many feel it to be a true piece of avant-garde art that expresses the depth of the human search for existence in ways heretofore unseen. ...But it's still dull.

This car uses electromagnets to hover above the ground. Unfortunately, if it ever drops below 50 miles per hour, the car EXPLODES!

A UFO photo, completely undoctored in every way. You can even see the string that holds the saucer in place. What will those crafty aliens think of next?

This remote allows you to summon a giant robot hidden deep within the bowels of the earth and unleash him on your unsuspecting enemies. But it's out of batteries.

This hidden cheat sheet is 100% undetectable, and so effective that it has been banned from the classroom by international treaty.

An amazing handheld game unit with FIFTY screens! When unfolded, it takes up as much space as a timeshare condo.
 
Ghost's speech at the beginning of Sewer Shark is my favourite bit of media cheese ever. I got it pretty much memorized actually...

Welcome to the sewer, punk! That guy you're replacin'? He had that same tough-guy smirk on his face than you do! ... Till he hit the wall. They're out there now, wipping his bloody remains with handy wipes! My name is Ghost here... because I always come back for more!

*pause* LET'S GO ROOKIE! *guitar riff*

Take a deep breath rookie.... AHHHHHHH... don't you love the smell of sewers in the mornin? It smells like victory! *guitar riff*

This here is the Hole Hawg. I put her apart and pulled her back together again. No matter what they taught you at Top Rat, factory jobs ain't worth scrap! *guitar riff* I've got some stuff in there... It might not be strictly legal, but it might keep you off the walls!

'Till you earn a better one, your callsign is "Dogmeat". Alright, climb aboard Dogmeat!

Crash and burn! Crash and burn! The sewer jockeys come-and they go! But down here, this is the hole. I give you a name. A boss, And a reason to live! You're gonna owe me big Dogmeat. And what's my payback? Ten million pounds of tubesteak!

And from the same game:

This, this is my baby. I call her Sweet Little Sixteen. Sixteen barrels of fun for Mr. Mole and company!
 
I'm going to parashrase here, since I haven't played it in a while. I can say it's a gem in an 0therwise average game. EDIT: Found the exact quote. Made some alterations, but the point remains the same.

"Well, try to look on the bright side."

"Dude, the bright side is glowing toxic waste!"

Donatello and Michelangelo, TMNT (the game based on the 2007 film)
 
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The background material for the Wipeout series has some pretty good gallows humor. My favourite is from the Wipeout 64 manual

The Race Comission demanded an anti-gravity circuit through active volcanic territory and I had to get them a location. Remember, they're in competition with spectacular sports like Fire Ballet for Datacast bandwith and they need serious background action. Sokana was ideal [sic] plenty of space for those famous speed curves.

Seismic activity in the region is a problem, though we've never suffered fatalies among race crew or paying spectators. We lost a hospitality suite full of international dignitaries when a lava flow burst its channel, but I think they were mostly about to fall victim to revolution in any case.
 
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