The changes happening in my life aren't something I just came up with. It's been following me my whole life and keeps coming back to haunt me. Ever since I was a kid, I thought it was a weird thing, everyone seemed happy about it except for me, so I tried to forget. However, it keeps coming back; I just can't shake apart of the thought, and I swear I did all I could to forget throughout my life and yet, with 30 years, they're still around, pulling me down and holding me back. The struggle is real because since everyone around me seems to be fine with it, I felt even more abnormal and weird. So yes, when you tell me this is something I just came up with, well, no, it's never been that way, it just keeps following me. Usually, when it comes to futile things, I tend to ignore and forget about them. This is definitely not one of those. After doing some research and finally meeting people with the same issue, I realised it's not just a desire, it's a problem, it's a psychological problem which you just can't fight. Some people live their entire lives with it, some just abandon ship early and give up everything. It's so present in one's mind it becomes stronger and more unbearable every day. Fighting back and ignoring this doesn't work and I tried to do that all my life. It caused me a life of depression. As such I decided it was time to just get out of the shadows and accept who I am. No more masks, no more pretending, this is me and that's why I'm happy.