Wario Teaches Typing - A Wario Text Adventure

Alright, I guess I'll keep it going, and I'll start w a wheel to see who's going (4)... Our Wah boy himself, naturally, owlboy, the pretty one, and the Dynamite Man (W, ST, L, AN)
Not too long after the New Year's Eve party, Wario and co. are at it again.
L: Hey guys, my favorite show's gonna be on soon, so I won't be narrating right now.
Av: Alright Lucy, don't worry about it.
M: Yeah, Harris, Av and I got it covered.
Har: You bet!
L: Thanks, bye.
Av: Alright, as we were saying...
Wario and co. are at it again.
At Tails's house, while he's taking care of his plant, Tails hears a knock on the door
T: Who is it? Ah forget it I'll just open the door.
Salesman: Hello, yes, would you like to buy a-
T: Sorry, not interested.
Tails closes the door, then someone else knocks, and he opens it again, to see an Omanyte's Witness (Yeah I parodied Jehovah's Witnesses deal with it)
OW: Hello, do you have time to talk about Lord Helix?
T: No, not really.
Tails closes the door, and then goes back to taking care of his plant, and then he hears another knock on the door
T: Alright, WHO KEEPS KNOCKING ON THE DOOR?! LOOK, I'M NOT INTERESTED, JUST GO-
Tails opens the door and Cosmo's outside
C: Hi... Tails... Should I go?
T: Oh no, I was upset because a salesman and an Omanyte's Witness, and thought you were just someone else like that, I didn't think it'd be you.
C: Alright then. What are you doing?
T: I'm just taking care of this plant, sigh man I miss her- oh wait.
C: It's okay, I'm right here. Do you need a hug?
T: Yeah...
The two hug, and Tails starts crying a bit
Meanwhile, at Wario's house
W: I'll be honest, after the past few months, I'm-a holidayed out, if there is going to be a holiday party soon, I want someone else to host it actually.
Wl: Yeah, I get it. Who do you think would host instead then?
W: I dunno. But anyway what time is it? I think Sonic, Dedede and I were gonna go get some breakfast.
Wario texts D3 and Sonic "Hey guys, ready to go out to breakfast?"
S: Alright
D3: You betcha
W: OK!
W: Alright, see ya.
At Sonic's place
S: I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT US ANYWAY, I DON'T CARE BOUT THAT.
Manic: Oh hey bro. Whatcha singin? Buddy Holly, eh? Never really took you the kinda guy to listen to Weezer.
Sonia: I did.
S: Anyway, I'm boutta go to breakfast, so see ya guys.
At Sonic (the restaurant)
S: Did we have to come here again? I already said I can't get you guys a discount.
W: Yeah, YOU WERE NAMED AFTER THIS PLACE, WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
D3: EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HE WAS!
S: Will you guys shut up? I was named Sonic because I go fast, not because of this restaurant.
W: Anyway, what are you guys gettin?
S: Chili dogs, obviously.
W: I think I'm-a gonna have a burger.
D3: I dunno.
After breakfast, they go home, and Wario's show turns on
L: Hey guys this part's the BEEEEEEEEEEEST-
Av: Lucy?
M: Great, she's in the TV.
W: Here I GOOOOO.
Inside the TV
W: Oh great, dead meme land again.
ST: Yeah, at least I get to go visit my home.
AN: Where's ya home?
ST: Hell.
AN: Welllll...
ST: Yes?
AN: I kinda blew it up.
ST: I'M GOING TO ENJOY KIL-
L: CALM DOWN!
W: Well, that path's blocked, so I guess this one's gonna be different. At least there's no giant vacuum still.
Oops, I went way past the word limit I think, ah well it's gonna take a while to adjust to it
 
By the way I'm trying to be patient but I'm bored outta my mind waiting because I'm out of ideas for dialogue currently and all that, so I guess this part will be a filler bit just to remind of the current cast and status (because, spoiler alert, I assume Dabbit wouldn't hate the idea, and I (and any readers) definitely know Oh Boi isn't afraid to, characters WILL get killed off and that's almost a DEFINITE guarantee)
Wario (Wario) (Alive)
Waluigi (Mario sports) (Alive)
King Dedede (Kirby) (Alive)
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic) (Alive)
Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic) (Alive)
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic) (Alive)
Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic) (Alive)
Kirby (Kirby) (Alive)
Peppino Spaghetti (Pizza Tower) (Alive)
Sans (Undertale) (Alive)
Papyrus (Undertale) (Alive)
Cosmo (Sonic) (Alive
Bowser (Mario) (Alive)
Kat (WarioWare) (Alive)
Ana (WarioWare) (Alive)
Stolas (Helluva Boss) (Alive)
Scratch (Sonic) (Alive)
Grounder (Sonic) (Alive)
Carmen Sandiego (Carmen Sandiego) (Alive)
Lum (Urussei) (Alive)
Anton (AntonBall/AntonBlast) (Alive)
Lord Eclair (Dead?)
Dr Robotnik/Eggman (Sonic/AOSTH/SatAM/Underground) (Dead?)
Mama Robotnik (AOSTH) (Dead?)
Music Destroyer (AOSTH) (Dead)
Coconuts (Sonic) (Dead)
Four Horsemen (The Binding of Isaac) (Dead?)
DabbitDaMips (Alive)
Baker Man (Alive)
Oh Boi (Alive)
Shadina (Alive)
Avaneesh (Alive)
Molten (Alive)
Harris (Alive)
Lucy (Alive)
Balloon Boy (FNAF) (Dead)
The Noise (Pizza Tower) (Dead?)
The 4 types of love from the Bible personified??? (Alive)
Amy Rose (Sonic) (Alive)
Jewel Ghoul (AntonBlast) (Alive)
Sonia the Hedgehog (Sonic) (Alive)
Manic the Hedgehog (Sonic) (Alive)
Some elf dude (Alive)
Metal Sonic (Sonic) (Alive but inactive)
Mecha Sonic (Sonic) (Alive but inactive)
Marvin the Martian (Looney Tunes) (Alive)
Flowey (Undertale) (Alive)
And I think that's everyone so far, but I dunno, I probably missed the transformations from the bad ending or something
 
Nah none of the Robotniks have died YET and the four horsemen (Conquest included) are still alive but I think Balloon Boy, the Noise and every marine creature in existence (not forgetting innocent drivers that Wario crashed into when travelling to the beach) are most defos dead
 
Alright I got an interesting idea to come back to the story and change this part up, and I spun a wheel to add 4 more to this intriguing mix.
W: Oh no, I feel weird already, I just hope I don't burst into laughter again.
AN: Relax, you'll be fine pal.
ST: There's a bench, should we sit down for now?
W: Good thing Tails isn't here, he said last time that he'd pass out if he saw a bench here. Why is there a sandbox though?
L: Oh no...
W: Let's keep going anyway, hopefully there won't be anything that startles me into that outburst again.
They walk more, and then Wario hears footsteps behind him, but he's at the back
W: What's that sound...
Unnamed dinosaur: YEE!
W: OH NO HERE IT COMES-

AN: There's an orange guy and a mannequin looking guy.
Orang: I am Orang, you U N C U L T U R E D F R I C C .
Meme Man: That wanst veri S T O N K S of u.
W: We need to go NOW.
They hear a loud whirring sound
W: What's that? Oh no...
A giant vacuum comes over the horizon, and everything except the current crew gets BLOWN away, and Wario and co. get sucked TOWARDS it
All 4 scream as they get sucked up, but meanwhile... (I promise this is relevant and not just a shoehorn)
BM: Well, that's a key lime pie done, tastes really bitter though, did I not add enough sweetener, or did I add too much lime, or what? Ah well, I'm gonna store that. ALRIGHT, I'M GOING NOW, BYE!
Meanwhile
T: Should we go for a walk?
C: Alright., it's a nice day out.
While Tails and Cosmo go for a walk, Manic is on his way to the basement to practice drums, but while they're all walking, they happen to trip, and then there's a buzzing noise
W: Ugh, where are we? Is this part of that meme place anymore?
L: I don't think so, but why is the carpet wet?
AN: Yellow walls, humming sound, I think this is the Backrooms.
ST: I have a bad feeling about this, and I'm all out of mana.
Meanwhile
Manic: Dude, this place is weird, and what's that almond smell? AAAAAA-
T: Cosmo, do you hear screaming?
C: Yes, and it's freaking me out.
T: Me too, and these halls must be the Backrooms, pretty scary place.
Manic, Tails and Cosmo all start screaming
BM: HEY COULD YOU GUYS STOP SCREAMING?!
T: I hear a voice reverberating over here, I'll need to shout. WE'RE IN THE BACKROOMS RIGHT NOW, WHAT DO YOU MEAN STOP SCREAMING?
BM: WE GOTTA STAY CALM.
T: ANYWAY, LET'S GO TO THE MANILA ROOM IF WE GET THE CHANCE, WE JUST HAVE TO GO REALLY FAR.
W: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PLAN TAILS, BUT I DON'T WANNA GO SO FAR.
T: DOESN'T MATTER, WE CAN'T REALLY MEET HERE. I GUESS WE COULD ALSO TRY TO NO-CLIP TO LEVEL 1.
L: I'LL TRY GOING TO THAT ROOM.
BM: I GOT SOME TEA AND CAKE FOR WHEN WE MEET.
 
This time we will not be saying meanwhile, when someone else who's not in that group talks, it's cutting away. Remember, these are the current groups (1: W, ST, L, AN) (2: BM) (3: Manic) (4: T, C). Btw I spun another wheel for this part
Har: Wait, since there are 8, do you think they might get scrambled into groups of 2?
M: I dunno, it's kinda like really hard if even possible to find someone in level 0.
Av: What if they get like, really lost?
Har: Ah well, let's hope they somehow find each other.
Av: Good luck Lucy.
Baker Man runs at his top speed, before almost tripping, so he slows down a bit, and then gets tired, starts crawling, pants and coughs, before getting on his knees and shouting...
BM: WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?!
T: Seems like he's freaking out a bit, is it because he's stuck alone or something?
C: I'm not sure, I hope we find him soon. Then we can comfort him.
W: Well, just keep going guys.
L: Wario I'm so bored.
W: Yeah, it's not called the Funrooms because it's not... fun... Guys?
AN: Guys, where the hell did Wario go?
L: Maybe he had to go to the bathroom?
ST: I don't think there are bathrooms in the Backrooms. Anyway, let's keep going.
T: This place is creepy, huh Cos- Cosmo? Oh wait, she can't hear me. WHERE ARE YOU?
C: I DON'T KNOW, I'M LOST.
L: What if Wario's DEAD?
AN: Psh, Wario, dead? NAHHH, You don't know him like I do. Wait, where did the owl guy go?
L: Who? Oh yeah.
AN: Exactly, hoo, he's an owl.
ST: Now where the fuck did they go off to?
Manic: Man, this place is huge.
ST: Wait, do I hear someone who's not shouting?
Manic: I think that's someone talking normally. Yo.
ST: Oh, there IS someone here. Shall we go then?
Manic: Sure.
Av: Molten, what did we tell you?
M: You didn't TELL me it would happen.
Har: But we said it possibly COULD.
M: Dammit.
T: COSMO? WARIO? ANYONE? HELLO?
W: ANTON? GOODY TWO SHOES? OWLBOY? WHERE DID YOU GUYS GO?
Tails and Wario just start running, eventually running into each other
W: Tails are you ok?
T: Yeah, it just hurt.
W: Obviously, because I'MA WARIO, I'MA NUMBER WAHN.
L: Well Anton, I guess it's just you and me.
AN: I suppose so.
L: MAN, THIS PLACE IS MASSIVE, HUH?
BM: MASSIVE, YOU SAY?
L: WHAT?
BM: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS MASSIVE?
L: NO, BAKER MAN THERE ARE CHILDREN.
BM: NO, NOT THAT, THAT'S REALLY TINY. WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY IS...
L: THAT'S STILL DISGUS-
BM: IMAGINE IF NINJA GOT A LOW TAPER FADE.
L: NO.
BM: IMAGINE IF NINJA GOT A LOW TAPER-
C: Excuse me.
Cosmo taps Baker Man on the shoulder
BM: AHH! Oh it's just you.
L: SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR SINGING ABOUT NINJA GETTING A LOW TAPER FADE. WHAT HAPPENED ANYWAY?
BM: I GOT TAPPED ON THE SHOULDER AND GOT STARTLED.
M: H- HOW??? I DON'T EVEN THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE. THEY ALL SCRAMBLED.
Har: I thought that'd happen.
Av: Well, here are the groups now. (1: W, T) (2: BM, C) (3: L, AN) (4: ST, Manic)
 
Av: Hang on a minute, there seems to be some writing on the wall. Excessively TERRIBLE to say the least. "A funfair's dream you seem to enjoy, where the bombs of the seeds of time I shall deploy?" I've been getting a weird feeling about our adventure since we began.
M: PTSD?
Av: As much as my alternate versions gave me such, this seems more...off. Hey, hold up, lemme round up some comrades real quick.
He snaps his fingers to reveal Tails, Anton, Lucy and Stolas who all seem confused before Av says
Av: I've come to make an announcement! It seems that a mysterious someone seems to bent on destroying time.
L: Oh great, don't tell me it's ANOTHER omnipotent loser mechanic?
AN: AAAAAAAAAH! THAT DOES IT, WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT WHO WROTE DIS, AND BLAST THEM INTO TINY TINY LITTLE PEESES!
ST: Don't rush, I appear to spot an emblem... oh motherfuck, it's that French dessert guy!
T: An Eclair. But what's he doing here? I thought that we blasted him off into the unknown thanks to Polar Bear Wario?
Av: He claims to have landed in a theme park, there is only one I know which likes to host the worst of the worst.
L: Oh god if it's IT again...
ST: I'm sure it won't be, because I will crucify him if he does
Av: Oh come on, character development is on the line here! Let's just say, in the good ol Isle'o'Hags, there's no other better place for entertainment!
M: Witchyworld?
Harris: It seems to be the case... My radar is picking up a certain aura coming from the massive circus tent there. Not a good one to say the least.
Av: Well what are we waiting for!? To Witchyworld we go! To the Portalmobile!
One Batman transition later and they are at WitchyWorld.
Meanwhile
W and Manic: WHERE DID THEY RUN OFF TO!?
BM and C: Hold on, a portal?
C: It could be a warning possibly? It looks like the one that showman guy uses.
BM: Oh you mean Av? Yeah, he definitely is a funny one, both in terms of comedy and the ways his powers work. Let's follow them.
C: Sure thing!
They jump in and travel to Witchyworld
Av (in mind): This all just feels like a time loop. I don't know if this is one of the tricks of the Golden Gale but maybe revealing the curse would break it, once I have the evidence of course...

Also I think that Av should say the low taper fade joke (and the tiny pp joke) first before Baker Man and him sing the duet of it and get startled together by Cosmo
 
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W: HEY, CREAM PUFF, WHERE YOU AT YOU SON OF A BITCH?! SHOW YOURSELF.
Lucy and Manic cover Tails and Cosmo's ears upon hearing Wario say "SON"
Av: I don't think it'll be so straightforward Wario, we need to search.
M: Well, we should split up, let's see, so now we've got 11, so 4+4+3.
Av: How about 3+5+3, 3 to each side, 5 in the middle?
W: Sounds good.
T: By the way, before we sort that out, you guys wonder what they're doing back home?
Meanwhile, Waluigi, Sonic, Sonia and Kat are over at Knuckles' house for a game of Uno, and Dabbit and crew are out to lunch at Golden Corral
DDM: Where the hell is Baker Man?
Sh: I know, why hasn't he shown up still? It's not like him.
OB: He better have one good excuse when he gets back.
Hold up lemme spin a wheel
After they decide the teams somehow
Team 1 (left): L, Har, Manic
Team 2 (mid): W, M, BM, T, C
Team 3 (right): Av, ST, AN
W: Well, let's go then, tin man, pie guy, Tails, flower girl, you're with me, through the middle.
Av: Stolas, Anton, with me to the right.
Harris and Lucy nod at each other, and point at Manic
Manic: So we're on the left then?
Av: Good luck guys.
BM: Let's hope this DOESN'T become Dark Carnival from Left 4 Dead.
W: LET'S-A GO!
I had these 3 ideas and spun a wheel for which side they were
Left is a funhouse with a bunch of wonky mirrors and a few wobbly bridges, middle is where the rides and games are, and right is a scary storage unit full of horror and old WTT and circus props are
 
Right side
Av: Wow, this place is almost as dark as the average .exe creepypasta, a lot creepier too.
AN: Good thing we're not scared of anything, right?
ST: True.
Av: Oh, look, this is Wario's old Colt Python, I wonder what it'd feel like to shoot. I bet it kicks hard, like my ex, HEY-O!! I'm just kidding, I haven't been in a relationship.
ST: But what about-
Av: I don't think we're quite there yet.
AN: Av, pal, you guys sweet talk, you make out with tongue, you may not have gone on a date yet, but you're already there.
Av: Really? I never thought of it like that. Anyway she's still my first relationship.
Suddenly a jumpscare of the bad ending eldritch Golden Gale pops up as a hologram with a bunch of old internet screamer screams layered on top of each other at once
Av: A random cheap jumpscare? Typical, back in the day there used to be actual suspense, a buildup of tension, and the jumpscare was merely a release of that tension. This is the problem with modern horror flicks, y'know?
AN: There are modern horror movies that do that buildup well too. Like IT.
Av: 8 years is a bit long to be modern in the scope of horror films, don't you think?
ST: No?
Av: Really? I guess I'll look it up.
Avaneesh looks up "how long is a movie considered modern" and sees it's about 20 years
Av: Well, sorry I doubted you. It's like 20 years. Anywho's, let's turn some lights on in here.
A "light" switch is flipped, and then a sawblade falls from the ceiling, slicing Avaneesh's cane
Av: Not my cane! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo...
Meanwhile, in the funhouse
Har: Man, this place is weird.
L: Yeah, just remember to be careful on the bridges.
Manic: Hey guys, look at me in the mirror.
Manic makes a funny face and starts laughing at himself
Har: Trust me, I know about looking goofy in funhouse mirrors, but we gotta focus on the task at hand.
Manic: Oh I bet you do. Especially with that pixelated light up face panel.
Har: I can instantaneously swap my body parts, essentially letting me adapt to anything. I have a bunch of tech too, like a radar, or a map.
Manic: Rad gear dude!
Har: Thanks!
L: Well, let's keep going.
Har: Yeah.
They walk across a wonky bridge, Lucy crosses, then Harris and Manic at the same time
Manic: Man, you must be heavy, huh?
Har: I mean yeah, I'm a big robot that can swap parts, what do you expect?
Manic: You're really rockin this bridge a lot is why I asked.
Har: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.
Manic: Thanks.
Meanwhile, in the middle path
W: Man, this place is crazy.
BM: You know what else is crazy is the fact that the low-
M: Bad time dude. synched with Av saying the same thing about Wario's Python I bet Wario kicks hard, like my ex, HEY-O!! Just kidding, she didn't kick, but she did worse.
T: Is it something that the two kids here shouldn't hear?
M: Oh no, she was an astrology girl. Man am I glad we broke up because I think she was only with me because of what time of year I was born.
C: Oh, that doesn't sound like a good way to have a relationship.
M: Trust me, it ain't.
W: Anyway, we should look around.
M: Right.
BM: Hey, what's this button do?
Water sprays out, hitting Baker Man in the face
BM: Oh, THAT'S what it does!
A random clown shows up out of nowhere with a present
C: Oh, for me? Thank you.
Clown: No problem, heugheugheugh <- goofy clown laugh
C: "Warning, splut enclosed." What's a splut?
She opens the box and a pie hits her in the face
C: Oh.
Baker Man tries not to laugh, barely succeeding
BM: You gonna eat that?
THAT makes him laugh (yes, I laugh at my own jokes)
Av: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo...
M: Av. I would shout asking what's wrong but Eclair would probably hear me.
W: We need to find a good lookout place. Oh there's a ferris wheel, right.
T: Well, who's going up?
BM: My attention span is pretty bad not gonna lie.
M: Wario and I are too heavy and I dunno where to put my metal.
C: How much do you weigh?
M: Last time I checked, about 250lb/113kg without the metal, about 450lb/204kg with.
BM: Daaaaaaaaaaaaa(I can't say damn there's kids here.)aaaaaang, toting around 200 pounds of metal?
M: Yep. Anyway, guess that only leaves 2. How about you 2 go together?
BM and Molt look at each other with a sorta smirk
T+C: Us?
W: Yeah, I've heard ferris wheels are better with 2 people anyway.
T: Uhhh...
C: Alright!
Tails and Cosmo get on the ferris wheel
BM: Wait guys, take my binoculars for now so you can see stuff.
T: Thanks!
They go up
T: Well, I bet if it wasn't so gray today it'd be beautiful.
C: I think so too.
T+BM: Oh look at that, rain.
C: Yay I love the rain.
M: Oh I hate the rain.
Molten's eyes go from gray to orange
M: And now my EYES rusted. Yes, that's normal.
To people who haven't read WTT but will watch it when animated, his eyes turning orange sometimes isn't an error it's a design choice
T: Look, there's Eclair, he has a cage and a wheel.
C: I wonder what that's about.
Meanwhile, Eclair monologues about what it is
E: I will spin this wheel 5 times, and whoever it lands on goes in the cage, and after the heroes c currently after me, if any, are eliminated, I will be taking them to my lair to use their life force as a power source for my machines.
Spin 1: Carmen
Spin 2: ???
Spin 3: Oh Boi
Spin 4: Dedede
Spin 5: ???
CS: Ugh, what's this cage for?
Cream: W- what's going on?
OB: Well, so much for a lunch with the mates I suppose.
D3: Tell me bout it.
Mona: Why the heck are we here? There's a guy outside the cage, we should be quiet.
E: I knew you guys were there, I spun the wheel that brought you guys here. Matter of fact, to throw a wrench in the heroes' plan to stop me, I'll spin again.
Bonus spin: Dabbit
DDM: Oh man, where am I?
E: Witchyworld, the carnival where I shall r e s e t t h e t i m e l i n e .
Mona: Why?!
E: I want my Goodstyle back.
Cr: Ooh, Mr., is it just me or is that a bit shallow?
E: Petty for sure, but either way, you guys will assist me.
CS: Why would we do that?
E: Simple, I'll drain you of your life force as a source of energy for my machines.
Meanwhile
Sh: DAMMIT GUYS, what did I say about vanishing outta nowhere?! Oh right, nothing.
 
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