Wario Teaches Typing - THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

Spooky boi

Spooky boi

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Hello there current WTT fans (which are like 2 people lol but for those who might be interested!) This is gonna be the Christmas special of WTT where @Baker Man and I are going to make a special thread to come up with a funny, no-lore related plot to celebrate the holiday season here with our wonderful cast of colourful characters, starring yours truly, Wario, as our main protagonist! Thought I'd begin this a bit early before the holiday season so that we can catch up to Christmas when it's finished (we might even do a Halloween one next year who knows...)

If you haven't already read the original story yet, read it here: Wario Teaches Typing - A Wario Text Adventure

But without further ado, let the Christmas magic begin...
 
Dr. Seuss: Heya kids. So, you still not asleep yet? You really wanna see Santa that badly. He doesn't come to those who don't sleep. Tell ya what, I should probably tell ya a story instead. How about, the time where Wario and Friends saved Christmas? Sounds good? Good. Now let's begin...
DS: Twas the month before Christmas, and all was simply grand. Colours and lights everywhere, not a single place was bland. The streets were filled with lights and festive cheer. And with snow falling about, was there anything else you need crystal clear? And despite the many riches and the greed he often never overcomes, the supposed "Scrooge" of Wario was nothing of festive funs! And so begins our tale, with our many colourful cast, all celebrating Christmas in their own ways to pass...

Bit of a short one to start us off, nice short opening. I think that separate dialogues would be after this, which Baker Man will write for us. Hope you enjoy what we are about to cook up!
 
W: Aw man, Christmas already? It feels like Halloween was just yesterday. Better send invitations for a Christmas party and make a shopping list for me and Waluigi.
Waluigi walks in
W: Speaking of, hello Waluigi.
WL: Hey Wario. What's up?
W: I'm making invitations and a shopping list for a Christmas party.
WL: Oh, alright. Does that include presents? Do we even have present ideas for everyone?
W: Not really. Alright, finishing the invitations now.
Hey everyone, you're all invited to my Christmas party, and being as generous as I have become, attending is FREE! WAHAHAHA! There will be activities, such as a musical chairs-like one known mostly as pass the parcel because of the hit kids show Bluey, or like pin the present on the Santa. There will also be ham, a yule log and eggnog, if you want hot cocoa and marshmallows, someone else will have to bring it. There will also be Christmas music, no karaoke though. Hopefully nothing goes wrong during this (although this may jinx it). - Wario, PS. One of you guys that knows how to bake, please provide cookies.
WL: Not bad. Let's send it. I assume the shopping list is for the two of us?
W: Yep.
- Ham
- Yule log
- Eggnog
- Activities
WL: Let's go then.
Wario and Waluigi go shopping, while Sonic is wondering what to get for his friends, and Dedede is eating Thanksgiving leftovers
 
S: (What do I get for them? I mean I think Knuckles would like a bag of grapes, uh, Tails would want, maybe, um, stuff for a flower, to grow that flower he has in his house, because he seems to care about it a lot.) I don't know. By the way, can we please stop just walking through the door and into the conversation for now? It's getting old.
KN: Yeah, I understand. Wait, what don't you know?
S: What to get you guys for Christmas.
KN: Well I think you already know what I want.
S: Grapes?
KN: Yeah.
S: Yep. Do you think Tails would like some stuff for growing a flower?
KN: I mean, maybe, he seems to care about that flower quite a bit.
S: Maybe he'd like some scrap metal to use for his projects.
KN: Yeah, write that down.
S: We should make a list of things we think they'd want. Then ask what they want and compare the lists.
KN: Alright, what after that?
S: ...
KN: Do we get the gifts that line up? Do we get some from both lists?
S: That latter one makes sense, yeah.
KN: Alright, stuff to help grow a flower, scrap metal. What else?
S: Uh, should we think about gifts for someone else for now and then come back to Tails later?
KN: Sure, how about we start with each other?
S: Yeah, let's do that.
KN: I think with everyone who has a gift in mind for me, we should go ahead and just say a bag of grapes from you.
S: Mhm, and I don't know what I want right now either honestly.
Meanwhile
D: Oh man, this turkey is so good. Especially in the gravy. Can't forget the mashed potatoes either.
Esc: Sire, can you share some of the leftovers?
D: Fine. Make sure you get a good amount though, because Kirbeh's gonna probably eat it all.
K: Poyo! (You bet!)
 
Meanwhile
P: SANS, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR CHRISTMAS, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR OUR FRIENDS?
s: yeah, i made cards.
P: I DON'T THINK SAYING WHO IT'S TO, SAYING THAT'S IT'S FROM YOU, AND USING A CHRISTMAS TREE STAMP COUNTS AS A CARD.
s: it's the thought that counts bro.
P: (SIGH) YOU'RE RIGHT.
Meanwhile, in the Dabbit gang's world, at a cafe with a TV
DDM/SA: Ah, Christmastime again.
BM: Finally, I can enjoy nice warm ginger snaps and a nice cold spiced glass of eggnog without getting weird looks.
OB: The weird looks were because you were in the middle of a fight and you went to the restroom for a gingersnap and eggnog break, AND it was the first day of summer.
Sh: Yeah, that was pretty weird.
DDM/SA: Regardless, we should decorate so we're festive.
Sh: Uhh, guys?
OB: What is it?
Sh: What's up with the TV?
DDM/SA: I think we've seen this before...
BM: Oh no, does this mean that-
Baker Man closes his eyes to brace himself
BM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
OB: Calm down, it hasn't even happened yet.
Tails comes out of the TV
T: Hey, uh, where am I?
BM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
T: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sh: QUIT IT YOU TWO.
T: Anyway, apparently I gotta bring you guys in the TV for some reason. That dude with the space and casino theming on his clothes said it was "for the plot."
OB: Av...
DDM/SA: Alright let's just get this over with.
They all go into the TV
 
Av: Heya! Hallo Ho! Welcome to our place! Oh wait, I remember who you guys are! You're them parallel universe normal versions of us, right?
OB: More normal than abnormal I guess. but yeah, pretty much!
SH: So why the hell are we here anyways?
L: Well, Wario's Christmas Party is gonna happen soon and we decided to teleport everyone here as it's quicker to reach there!
BM: Couldn't we have just taken an Uber or something?
M: Fuck the ubers but not in a sexy way! We've got portals with that bird guy.
Stolas then magically appears and screams, turning into his angry demon form, jump-scaring Molten and Connor catches Molten in his arms.
ST: IT'S STOLAS FOR LUCIFER'S SAKE!
C: Ah there he is. It's been a while since we've seen you guys. Doing good lately? Having a good day?
SA: Yeah, thanks for asking man!
ST: I myself have been doing rather decently.
Av: Took your sweet time! We've been waiting for like... I dunno, nanoseconds!
ST: That's the smallest unit of time...
Av: STILL A UNIT OF TIME ACCORDING TO THE OMNIPOTENT GOOGLE!
Kat and Ana enter to intervene
A: We couldn't help it, Mr. Avaneesh. We were stuck in a realm bottleneck.
Av: Oh yeah, forgot those existed. Well, glad ya made it buttercup!
K: I'm so excited for Wario's party! The Halloween party he had was... interesting, to say the least, but I'm down for this one!
Av: Well, as long as nothing CRAZY happens, wink wink nudge nudge, we should be just fine...
C: What he said. Besides, Anton blasted off the head of that Slenderman in exchange of saving his from his haunts. This party will be incredible if anything!
B: I'm still wondering what he was doing there when he was cooking hotdogs on the stove for some goddamn reason.
B: Hey guys, looks like the other chumps are coming through now!
Everyone else enters and greets each other before eventually Avaneesh gets up the teleport machine and it opens up a rift into Wario's house. Wario sees him and they wave before Avaneesh calls out.
Av: EVERYONE! IT'S TIME TO PARTY!
Everyone jumps into the portal with their Christmas jumpers and all yelled a hearty "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" to Wario and Waluigi.
W: Thanks a lot everyone. Well I have a lot planned for this party, no karaoke this time sadly though there will still be Christmas music blasting down the walls and I will have fun games, such as a Christmas Quiz, Christmas Charades, Mario Kart and more.
WL: We've got plenty of food too, so everyone eat up plentifully and make sure to watch out for the prune juice I put in some of them. Wahaha!
W: That's your first challenge. GET READY AND HURRY UP!
Everyone then began to eat, party, sing, play and do so much more. The party was in full swing (we'll come up with party dialogues later), but then, just as the party was about to end, the doors bursted off of Wario's house.
W: EH!? WHO DID THAT!?
??? (in a nasal voice): Ahem...
Everyone assembled and looked on before seeing in utter shock and disbelief, it was Elf Stickler who was at the door.
All: WE HAVE ONE TOO!?
Sticker: Uhm, yes, um actually, you need to help save Christmas Wario, considering that you are the only person in the entirety of the earth to have an almost exact identical BMI to Santa himself.
s: Wait, what about Bowser? Isn't he heavier than Wario, I mean, my man is packing quite a few tons.
P: INDEED, HE EVEN ONCE CONQUERED THE UNIVERSE AND SURVIVED A BLACK HOLE, SO HE HAS TO BE FAT TO SOME DEGREE.
PE: What about me? I mean, I should have lost weight with all that running I did, but even I am quite fat enough to be Santa. Though I'll be honest, Wario definitely has the "guts" to do it.
s: ayyyyyyyy.
W + B: OUT WITH THE FAT SHAMING TWERPS!
Scratch: Well the real question is, why can't Santa do it himself?
Grounder: Maybe he's retired?
Carmen: Maybe he must have had a serious injury and can't do it this year?
Lum: Maybe he's been kidnapped by aliens and we have to save him!?
Everyone looks at Lum.
Lum: What?
OB: Look Stickler, I notice you are sweating, and you still haven't told us why Santa isn't doing Christmas this year...
BM: Eh, probably just had too much alcohol and passed out. Wait, didn't I leave like an 100% alcoholic drink out for him last year?
DDM: WHAT THE HELL! Molten, that could have killed him instantly! Plus, I don't think such a drink exists.
SH: Oh I remember having played many pranks on the jolly man over the years, my fav being I put a fire underneath so his ass gets scorched. Maybe I scalded his ass, paralysed him and he can't do it.
WL: JUST ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION MAN, WHY CAN'T HE DO IT!
Stickler: Fine, I'll eh tell, but prepare your ears...
Sticker: Santa was convicted as a war criminal who was found guilt of having committed many unthinkable acts and was sentenced to death for it. Such acts include leaking the government's secret launch codes to start a nuclear war, ran a massive operating meth cartel where drugs were illegally done and were made through the organs of other people, and even includes...
Stickler's words are censored for a really long time and by the end, everyone was absolutely shocked.
AV: Way to go into making this go up from a 15 to an 18 knucklehead.
Stickler: I expect you, Wario, to be out the house by 10pm ready to deliver presents to the boys and girls. You must do it by the stroke of dawn or else you would have failed the world and all of you will be cursed with eternal bad luck.
W: Of course there's a goddamn catch to it. ALRIGHT! We'll save Christmas, happy?
Stickler: Satisfied. I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll do this task...
Stickler walks out.
Shadow: Well if we have to save Christmas, how on earth are we going to do it? We have no resources.
Philia: Not to mention we'll have to do it to such a speed that every child gets their present by dawn, which is not going to be easy.
Sonic: Well me, Tails and Knuckles can be the reindeer as I have the supersonic speed, Tails can fly, and Knuckles can glide. And you Shado-
Shadow: I'm going to hang my motorbike in front of me and ride it in the air. Happy?
Sonic: Yup.
Dedede: EY! I CAN FLY HERE TOO, AND I'M ALWAYS STOCKED WITH MY MAGIC BARBEQUE FLAVOUR TATER CHIPS TO HELP ME! I'LL ALSO BE A REINDEER!
S: Cool by me, Dedede!
Wario: Hey Av, Sulphuric Acid, wanna be Santas with me?
Avaneesh: It would be an honour for me to deliver presents to all of the good boyseingirls this year!
Sulphuric Acid: Hear, hear!
Agape: Welp, guess we'll be those pudgy little midgets then.. Aren't there any better jobs that Santa has!?
Avaneesh: You can always be a reindeer.
Agape: Nope, that's even worse.
Eros: Well... I'd like to be an elf if possible
Avaneesh: That's the spirit Eros, my, ahaha, my definitely not crush.
Storge: Welp, I have the painting skills so I guess I can paint the sleigh. Haha, don't have to wrap up presents. L bozo.
Agape seethes angrily.
BM: Well, I can help Storge out by COOKING UP this sleigh and food provisions for the journey. With a little Christmas magic too, right?
ST: Kirby, Kat, Ana, Papyrus, I, Scratch, Lum, Philia and Bowser will join him.
C: Well, then, me, Lucy, lil Cosmo and Shadina over here can help sort out the presents and geographically track the sleigh with a detector. I'm good with my numbers, and made a fun little remote to control the detector so we can even play a few games to spread over some Christmas magic!
Lucy and Cosmo get giddy and squeal happily together. Shadina rolls her eyes.
WL: And the rest of us will sort out and wrap up the presents.
(Everyone else hurrahs)
W: Alright everyone, LET'S A-
???: Hold on just ONE second. I'd also like to be a little helper. Your "Christmas mage" if you will.
D: OH WHO IS IT NOW!? WE GOT PRESENTS TO DELIVER!
The figure reveals itself to be the spluttering gangsta figure of Jewel Ghoul.
Everyone: JEWEL GHOUL!?
Wario: That's my sugar dealer!
Conor: So THAT's why the candy tasted weird at your Halloween party!
W: WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE SPICE THEN BIG HERO!?
Conor: A lot of stuff man, but whatevs.
Avaneesh: What are you even doing here then, great mafia jewel guy of spirit-based magic? Here as a plot-twist villain or another character on the drawing board?
PE: I thought Anton broke your entire head with a bullet.
JG: Surgery was finished last week. Painful but I made it. And boy have I never felt better.
He coughs up green tar onto everyone and splutters whilst speaking.
JG: Excuse me, still smoking the same cigar after 15 years.
S: Listen, Jewel Ghoul, we're on a time crunch, what could you have that could possibly help us.
JG: Some incense, watch this...
He sprinkles some incense onto the gang and then Wario's house transforms into Santa's workshop with many machines.
JG: Happy?
Cosmo: It's wonderful! Thanks a lot Christmas mage!
JG: You're welcome kid.
Lucy: Say, you can work with me and the others on preparing the sleigh. We'd love to see more of your magic tricks!
JG: Sure thing kid, the magic's just begun. There are many machines here for present making so use them to help!
W: LET'S GET THIS SHINDIG STARTED! WAHAHAHA!
 
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s: hey look, it's rapping paper.
Sans shows Molten some "rapping paper", which is a piece of paper with a scribbled face with sunglasses with a speech bubble saying "yo."
M: Good one.
P: NOW'S NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES SANS, WE HAVE TO FINISH THIS ALL BEFORE DAWN OTHERWISE WE GET PERMANENT BAD LUCK.
S: How do we even know that's legitimate? It could just be a fake threat.
s: wait, paps isn't even working here with us, did he come here just to say that?
P: I DID.
s: oh ok.
CS: Well, what presents do we start with?
WL: Shit, uhhh...
SH: Are you kidding me Waluigi?
Har/Con: We're starting with sorting them, remember?
s (muttering to Molten): they're still here?
M (muttering back to Sans): I know, right?
L: I can hear you you know, a simple hello would do.
M: Well sor-ry pretty little princess.
Har/Con: Uh, Avaneesh, should we, uh intervene before this escalates?
Av: We really should. IF YOU KEEP ARGUING I'M GONNA MAKE A SHIP EDIT OF YOU TWO WITH PICTURES OF YOU TWO TALKING TO EACH OTHER.
Molten and Lucy stop arguing and start yelling at Avaneesh
M+L: WE DON'T EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER LIKE THAT.
Av: I know, but it's a good incentive to stop.
M: Should we, uh, punch him?
L: No, it just makes it worse.
M: Dammit, you're right.
Av: That's better.
Har/Con: Av, your methods are questionable, but get the job done.
Av: I know. Anyway I gotta go with Wario now.
S: Right, see ya guys.
Meanwhile, while they're sorting presents...
St: Let's get the paint.
ST: I got the red.
P: I HAVE THE GREEN PAINT.
BM: A bit of gold to top it off.
K: Poyo? (How about some white?)
Kat: Thank you Kirby.
BM: Well Papyrus, you know how to cook, right?
P: OF COURSE, I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE COOKIES TOO.
BM: That's awesome! We're going to make some cookies.
P: I'LL MAKE SOME CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES FOR SAN- OH, THAT'S RIGHT...
A tear forms in Papyrus' eye
BM: Oh, don't cry man, it's gonna be ok.
Baker Man hugs Papyrus
BM: Anyway, let's get going. I'll make spiced oatmeal cookies and some cheeseburgers.
P: SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
Meanwhile
 
R (AOSTH): Hahahaha! It's GLORIOUS, there's no Santa, meaning nobody gets any prrresents
R (SatAM): I thought it was the parents who did it.
Mama: Of course it was Santa.
R (Sat): I'm kidding, it was I who made the false charges and forged evidence.
Egg (talking to AOSTH Robotnik): I thought we were evil, but he's another breed.
R (AOSTH, replying to Eggman): Yeah, he's overdoing it, I would've just kidnapped Santa.
R (Underground): Does anyone even remember I'm here?
All except him: No.
MD: First we take Christmas, then Christmas music! Hahahaha!
Horsemen: Remember us?
Egg: No. Wait, why are the four horsemen of the apocalypse even here?
War: I dunno. We just kinda showed up, I need Death to explain it.
 
Meanwhile
Har/Con: Well, that's all sorted, we're gonna go now, bye.
Sh: YO GUYS IS THE SLEIGH DONE?
BM: YEAH IT IS.
Har/Con: Alright, time to track it.
Harris/Conor loads up the detector
In the kitchen
BM: Well, now that that's finished, we can just relax.
Accidentally puts his finger on a tray fresh out of the oven
BM: OW! Dammit.
DDM (this bit is only for if it's Dabbit and not Sulphuric Acid): Did you call me?
BM: No, I said dammit because I burned my finger, you're good Dabbit.
DDM: Ok.
P: OOH, YOU SHOULD RUN THAT UNDER COLD WATER.
BM: One moment it's not so bad, then it hurts like- urgh, there it is.
I put this bit in because while baking cookies irl today I actually burned my finger and it hurt like hell as he, er, I?, was gonna say
Back in the main area
DDM/SA: Alright guys, now we go, right?
WL: We gotta wrap the gifts now.
s: great, we already started though so no problem.
M: Wait, who the hell is wrapping these presents anyway? Waluigi, Sans, me, Peppino, uhhh, I don't think the ones assigned as elves are working on this, crap, lemme think, Oh Boi, anyone else? No, no, I think that's it.
WL: Sounds about right. By the way Wario, is the party still happening?
W: Of course, it's a Christmas party, not a Christmas Eve party.
WL: Ok cool.
P: WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO TRY A COOKIE?
KN: Sweet, a cookie, don't mind if I-
Knuckles takes a bite of the cookie, his face does that forced smile as he swallows it as fast as he can
P: SO?
KN: It's, uh, gooood. You're definitely improving.
P: AW, THANK YOU.
PE: Well, we gotta wrap-a these presents.
BM: Well Pap, we're finished now, so we can just relax now, and I need an ice pack because my burn HURTS.
M: You got burned?
BM: Yeah.
M: Skill issue.
OB: Oh shut up Molten.
P: WELL, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
BM: Wanna watch Frosty the Snowman?
P: THAT SOUNDS NICE ACTUALLY.
 
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