Your faults

[Just a Wario Fan]

When I was little, I once heard an older teen saying something along the lines of "That game was so sick and scary, had to play a lot of Super Mario to get over all that!"
This still turns out to be my little miracle cure whenever I get down or sad, even when I've seen something awful or scary. I whip in some classic, colourful and fun games (Kid Icarus: Uprising, Super Mario 3d World, Wario Ware: Smooth moves, Mario & Luigi, etc.) and wash away those thoughts.

On to the subject, I guess I do regret not putting my perfectionism to much better use. I do programming, and being a perfectionist is good and all there, but there's so many deadlines that it backfires instead of benefits. I don't really have a clue what I should do with this little quality to be honest.

I have to say, playing a bright, upbeat, colourful game like WarioWare is a good way to get rid of your daily worries.

 

[Kerberos]

I have a way of combating depression that works for me. Im sure there are those out there who would not like my idea, but it has really worked for me these past few years.

But like, I literally fight with it. Like, when I struggle with all those negative and depressing thoughts, I fight back with like reasoning and whatever. Like sometimes I deal with issues about my body and things I cant control. And yeah those feelings are real and can definitely cause you harm, but I have started fighting back by arguing "even if I had what I wanted, or changed the things I didnt like, Id find something else to be angry or sad about, and still feel cheated. And no matter what, my body is going to grow old, grey weak and wrinkled anyway, so in the end it doesnt matter anyway".

When I feel bad about my place in life, my low income and my job, I remind myself that though I have a little less than everyone in this country, I have alot compared to others in the world. I keep in mind that I dont have to work as hard as some other people in the world do, and that I have more than they do. I consider myelf lucky that I have everything I need, and even a little extra.

When I feel down about being alone, I remind myself that I have friends, and a caring mother. I remind myself that being in a relationship is in NO WAY the ultimate happiness of the world, that many people in relationsips struggle, that being in one takes alot of work and sacrifice, and that the fairy tale of love and romance is short lived, and that maybe Im not yet ready for a serious relationship anyway.

I strongly believe that happiness is a state of mind, and that allowing yourself to be content with yourself and what you have is a huge part of being happy. There are those who would disagree with me, say that its all imbalances in the brain that need to be treated in one way or another, and I believed that once too : p But Ive taken a tough stance against these things, and its really been working well for me the past two years now : p Sometimes a little tough love can really help a person, I both appreciate it when people push me to buck up and be tough now, and I work hard to keep that within myself too : p

I like this advice a lot, and you hit a very good point where you say happiness is a state of mind. However, it's very dangerous to tell people who are still struggling with severe depression to "buck up." Depression to an extent is a clinical disease and needs to be addressed. It doesn't matter if you use meds or not, you can't let it run rampant and tell people they just need to toughen up. My parents did this shit to me before treatment and forbade me to go to therapy or take anti-depressants to help things out, and it did more harm than good.

All in all, "buck up" is a good reminder for people who are still practicing to overcome it. But don't consistently tell a moderately to severely depressed person this because all it does is make them feel even worse.

 

[Dangerous Duck]

When I was little, I once heard an older teen saying something along the lines of "That game was so sick and scary, had to play a lot of Super Mario to get over all that!"
This still turns out to be my little miracle cure whenever I get down or sad, even when I've seen something awful or scary. I whip in some classic, colourful and fun games (Kid Icarus: Uprising, Super Mario 3d World, Wario Ware: Smooth moves, Mario & Luigi, etc.) and wash away those thoughts.

On to the subject, I guess I do regret not putting my perfectionism to much better use. I do programming, and being a perfectionist is good and all there, but there's so many deadlines that it backfires instead of benefits. I don't really have a clue what I should do with this little quality to be honest.

"That game was so sick and scary".... You know, when I was a kid I was traumatised by the original Resident Evil for PS1. I'd never seen anything like it! At the time it was so realistic and the atmosphere was so intense with dread, it felt more real than any game I'd seen or played before it.

Anyhow, I used the same method as you to fight away that dread before bedtime. I played colourful, upbeat games to lift my spirits. And whenever thoughts of Resident Evil crept back into my head at night, I used to imagine Wario running around in that zombie-infested mansion, looting valuables, breaking down doors, using his Zombie Wario technique to plow down the horrifying undead hordes. Slamming, butt-stomping and generally abusing them as much as possible. And it really helped!

 

[Weario]

"That game was so sick and scary".... You know, when I was a kid I was traumatised by the original Resident Evil for PS1. I'd never seen anything like it! At the time it was so realistic and the atmosphere was so intense with dread, it felt more real than any game I'd seen or played before it.

Anyhow, I used the same method as you to fight away that dread before bedtime. I played colourful, upbeat games to lift my spirits. And whenever thoughts of Resident Evil crept back into my head at night, I used to imagine Wario running around in that zombie-infested mansion, looting valuables, breaking down doors, using his Zombie Wario technique to plow down the horrifying undead hordes. Slamming, butt-stomping and generally abusing them as much as possible. And it really helped!

Haha, you weren't the only one with a creative mind like that.
Even DEATH cannot defeat Wario!

 

[MonaWare]

I like this advice a lot, and you hit a very good point where you say happiness is a state of mind. However, it's very dangerous to tell people who are still struggling with severe depression to "buck up." Depression to an extent is a clinical disease and needs to be addressed. It doesn't matter if you use meds or not, you can't let it run rampant and tell people they just need to toughen up. My parents did this shit to me before treatment and forbade me to go to therapy or take anti-depressants to help things out, and it did more harm than good.

All in all, "buck up" is a good reminder for people who are still practicing to overcome it. But don't consistently tell a moderately to severely depressed person this because all it does is make them feel even worse.

Well thats a bit of an over simplification.

Just saying "buck up" is not really meaningful, instead you can help someone come to a different way of thinking by talking with them and guiding them away from their negative thinking into more positive thoughts. It takes both the willingness of listening to their problems, being there to console them and showing that you care, and talking it out with them to help them come to different mind set than the one they are currently stuck on, and working with them to gain a different perspective and make positive life changes.

Ive found that agreeing with the problems people talk about often guides them to continue to do whats causing them harm to begin with, like as if you are validating their current way of thinking and encouraging it. Thats not always the wrong thing to do, but like as an example, I know someone personally who has an alcohol problem. This person is struggling with it and wants to quit, but they often give in. And they often use their life at home as a reason to do it. I completely know the problem they have at home, and am understanding of it.

But if I agree with them about what they are saying, having too much to deal with at home and needing an escape, they seem to feel more validated in their alcohol problem, so I have stopped trying that and have tried pushing them to find different ways to relieve stress. Sometimes they react in a grumpy manner, but they usually eventually agree that what they are doing is wrong, and that they need to make changes at home and in their daily living, instead of spending all their money on alcohol and being angry at the people at home all the time. Its not what they wanted to hear at first, but at the very least they are willing to listen and do agree that some changes on their part are needed, and that the problems they are facing now can be overcome with work : p

 

[Kerberos]

Well thats a bit of an over simplification.

Just saying "buck up" is not really meaningful, instead you can help someone come to a different way of thinking by talking with them and guiding them away from their negative thinking into more positive thoughts. It takes both the willingness of listening to their problems, being there to console them and showing that you care, and talking it out with them to help them come to different mind set than the one they are currently stuck on, and working with them to gain a different perspective and make positive life changes.

Ive found that agreeing with the problems people talk about often guides them to continue to do whats causing them harm to begin with, like as if you are validating their current way of thinking and encouraging it. Thats not always the wrong thing to do, but like as an example, I know someone personally who has an alcohol problem. This person is struggling with it and wants to quit, but they often give in. And they often use their life at home as a reason to do it. I completely know the problem they have at home, and am understanding of it.

But if I agree with them about what they are saying, having too much to deal with at home and needing an escape, they seem to feel more validated in their alcohol problem, so I have stopped trying that and have tried pushing them to find different ways to relieve stress. Sometimes they react in a grumpy manner, but they usually eventually agree that what they are doing is wrong, and that they need to make changes at home and in their daily living, instead of spending all their money on alcohol and being angry at the people at home all the time. Its not what they wanted to hear at first, but at the very least they are willing to listen and do agree that some changes on their part are needed, and that the problems they are facing now can be overcome with work : p

I get what you're saying now.

I apologize for the oversimplification. My personal experience with people who try to "listen" to people who have depression has been just what I described. They do nothing to understand the person's perspective and instead guilt trip them or tell them to toughen up. It's a messed up way of thinking. While in your reply you mentioned talking about the issues in such a way to not validate the person's issues, you had touched on something very important that most people miss out on. My reaction was less "enable the bad behavior" and more like "acknowledge you know the person is depressed the heck out and needs some sort of help." I agree with you that enabling the bad behavior does nobody good.

I think it's a great thing you're helping out that person the way you are. Very few people will try to tweak their own assistance techniques to help others like that, and I wish there were more people in the world like you.

 

[WhimsicalFujoshi~]

A thing that pushed me forward in my recovery was learning to not just lean on my depression as a crutch and an excuse. I still had to hold myself to a standard-- that can be problematic if your mental issues relate to perfectionism, but it's not that bad for me-- and realize that you can't just do things that hurt others because you feel bad about yourself. Sure, you do deserve to be able to vent out your feelings, but other people don't deserve to deal with some of the shit that (in my case, my self-loathing shit that made me lash out at others) people do. A lot of depressed people don't realize that, and I don't blame other people for wanting to not put up with that. I was blessed that I had friends who both put up with me, and pushed me to do better for myself and those around me.

It got messy at times, but holding myself to a standard with my behavior helped me get through it all, with a little help from my friends.

 

[Kerberos]

Sure, you do deserve to be able to vent out your feelings, but other people don't deserve to deal with some of the shit that (in my case, my self-loathing shit that made me lash out at others) people do. A lot of depressed people don't realize that, and I don't blame other people for wanting to not put up with that. I was blessed that I had friends who both put up with me, and pushed me to do better for myself and those around me.

Agreed hardcore. I don't blame others for not wanting to put up with my own issues, myself, I take more issue with people who say they want to help but then turn it around right away when I try to take them up on their offer of helping. That's why I just stopped reaching out to people other than my therapists.
_へ__(‾◡◝ )>

 

[Magma]

As of late I feel like I'm getting repetitive with what I'm trying to say or I'll say something stupidly obvious.

 

[MonaWare]

Yeah sometimes theres just not much to say. The bright side, if the person you are talking with is interested enough in talking with you, they often wont mind the repetition : p I usually feel that social interaction is repetitive in general anyway.

Uhhh I dont really know if this goes here or not, but lately Ive been growing to not want to be associated with video gaming in general due to my coworkers.

 

[The 3rd Wario Brother]

Uhhh I dont really know if this goes here or not, but lately Ive been growing to not want to be associated with video gaming in general due to my coworkers.

I used to have that problem but got over it, Other people shouldn't matter, You should always do what you want regardless, doesn't exactly effect others whether or not you like video games.

 

[MonaWare]

Yeah I got that and all, its just them and the way they talk and act that bother me : p Plus I dont like it when people think thats all there is to me, like as if I live and breathe video games. I have several hobbies and interests, video games are just one of them : p They sometimes like to start conversations with other coworkers who obviously dont care about them at all whatsoever, then try to bring me into it. I really hate it when they do that : p Please dont include me in it : p

One of them was talking today about how they requested a day off just to play a new game they wanted to play, I thought that was kind of silly : p Just wait till your next day off geeesh. I dont like having to listen to them go on and on about their video games with me all the time. Its cool if we find common ground and start a natural conversation but sometimes I just wanna get away from them : p

 

[The 3rd Wario Brother]

I guess the best thing is to tell them that, I understand how you but but you just gotta tell, Try bringing up some of your other hobbies, They might be intrested in said hobbies.

 

[Dangerous Duck]

Yeah sometimes theres just not much to say. The bright side, if the person you are talking with is interested enough in talking with you, they often wont mind the repetition : p I usually feel that social interaction is repetitive in general anyway.

Uhhh I dont really know if this goes here or not, but lately Ive been growing to not want to be associated with video gaming in general due to my coworkers.

Yeah, I've wanted to exclude myself from video game culture many times since using the Internet. My sunny optimism would have benefited a great deal if I'd never ventured online (but how do you avoid the Internet these days if you want to build your own programs and games?) The toxic acidity of the net has been a great learning experience.

@MonaWare I've worked with people like that and I know how it feels. Perhaps you can try casually responding that you've got other interests (bass guitarist) and "I'm really not that heavily into videos games". There's a lot of things you can say here and there to gradually shut down there perception of you, and stop involving you in their antics.

 

[MonaWare]

Haha yeah, Ive brought up many many times here how I hate how things become sub cultured : p The video game culture annoys me, as well as online culture. There was once a discussion among the group of coworkers of mine about whether or not video games counted as a sport. I just didnt care : p
I like video games and all, theyre way fun and I enjoy talking about them. But I dont want people to think theyre life or anything : p I mean I dont even treat music like that, theyre just things that I like and enjoy : p
Oh yeah and thats another thing, them being such hardcore people about video games, any freaking time Im asked what games I play or what consoles I own, it always comes with a lecture about how I need to change it, like my games just dont cut it and I need to upgrade to what they have. You know what? I dont freaking care about what you like : p I have 0 interests in your games or your opinions on mine : p If we dont like the same games then lets move onto a new topic : p

Oh yeah, and Ive kinda tried that before, like shifting the conversation. But Im really not much of an assertive person irl, Im pretty like.... sensitive and timid and junk, and I think people generally pick up on that. And these guys are like over the top assertive and like even bossy and junk : p So they pretty much just take control over any conversation, and if you try to bring up something they dont wanna talk about theyll just talk over you.'
Ive mentioned this here before about them actually : p I cant really just start a new topic with them, theyll just over power me vocally and go on about how I need to do this and that : p Its not really a free flowing conversation with these guys, its really more of a "I know better than you so Im gonna tell you how it is" kinda thing with them, all the freaking time : p I cant stress that part enough : p

 

[Dangerous Duck]

Haha yeah, Ive brought up many many times here how I hate how things become sub cultured : p The video game culture annoys me, as well as online culture. There was once a discussion among the group of coworkers of mine about whether or not video games counted as a sport. I just didnt care : p
I like video games and all, theyre way fun and I enjoy talking about them. But I dont want people to think theyre life or anything : p I mean I dont even treat music like that, theyre just things that I like and enjoy : p
Oh yeah and thats another thing, them being such hardcore people about video games, any freaking time Im asked what games I play or what consoles I own, it always comes with a lecture about how I need to change it, like my games just dont cut it and I need to upgrade to what they have. You know what? I dont freaking care about what you like : p I have 0 interests in your games or your opinions on mine : p If we dont like the same games then lets move onto a new topic : p

Oh yeah, and Ive kinda tried that before, like shifting the conversation. But Im really not much of an assertive person irl, Im pretty like.... sensitive and timid and junk, and I think people generally pick up on that. And these guys are like over the top assertive and like even bossy and junk : p So they pretty much just take control over any conversation, and if you try to bring up something they dont wanna talk about theyll just talk over you.'
Ive mentioned this here before about them actually : p I cant really just start a new topic with them, theyll just over power me vocally and go on about how I need to do this and that : p Its not really a free flowing conversation with these guys, its really more of a "I know better than you so Im gonna tell you how it is" kinda thing with them, all the freaking time : p I cant stress that part enough : p

That's rough. It sounds like you can only let it bounce off you, roll off your back etc.

Stuff like that happened all the time when I worked as a graveyard groundskeeper. Young guys always slacking off, yakking, being offensive, etc. They got me in trouble once because they were sitting back while the foreman was off somewhere, and I was the only one still working. They started yelling at me to knock it off because I was making them look bad. After ten minutes I finally joined them, and wouldn't you know it.... at that VERY moment the foreman appeared over the hill, and boy he let us have it!

Well, after that I said "that's it". Anytime they started that crap I just told them "I'm here to do a job" or "I'm here to work". I just gave the most basic and bare-minimal responses whenever they mouthed off. No matter how bossy they get, they can't do much if the conversation is one-sided, and eventually they get a hint. I just stopped caring and focused all my energies on doing a good job. And a month or two later, I got an award from the cemetery owner for my efforts. That was tough, because I had to make sure my co-workers didn't see me as an apple polisher or "boss's favourite". I stayed on friendly terms with them, but it wasn't easy.

 

[MonaWare]

Haha, I have never had to worry about balancing between being a good worker while being on friendly terms with my coworkers, luckily for the most part most of them agree that we should just work hard : p

Sounds tough, but its awesome that you managed to work hard and do right.

 

[Magma]

I have a constant fear of dying when I'm outside by myself.

 

[MonaWare]

In what way?

 

[Ninja_Cat]

I'm often self-conscious when going places on my own. I'm always thinking that passer-bys must think I'm some weirdo if I'm not with other people.